Bruce’s birthday (it was about a week ago) always makes me feel a little sad. Each year he gets 1 year older and another year closer to not being my little boy anymore. Soon, he’s not going to want to cuddle with me or run up to me with a big hug and kiss. If the current practice of girls literally chasing him around or calling him is any indication, then in a few short years he is not going to want to spend time with me or likely, be willing to talk to me much at all.
Parenting is full of mixed feelings… joy, annoyance, guilt, exhaustion, anger, fear, happiness, love. It isn’t uncommon for these feelings to work together and against each other at the same time. Sometimes, you love them but you just can’t stand them. There are times when you want to hug them and scream at them all at once.
I have no idea what the future holds for Bruce; Ryan and I will always be there to support him (except if he is 30, unemployed, and living at home) in whatever he does with his life. I live with the constant worry of him going into the world and being safe; trying to decide when and how much to pull back and let him fly on his own. That is always a hard decision. As a mom, the battle in your head is always “am I smothering him” vs. “he needs his freedom to grow.”
I try to look back on my childhood and teenage years (maybe that’s why I’m so nervous;) and tell myself that we’ve given him a good foundation and taught him how to live a responsible and productive life. I know we have to let him go and have to trust that he will be safe but it’s hard.
Parenting really is the toughest job you will ever have. And while certain things get easier as they get older, the most important aspects of parenting get harder. Already I worry about him driving and being on the road with a bunch of nuts. I worry about him being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes you just want to squeeze them and lock them in a bubble to protect them but obviously you can’t do that.
I always tell him no matter how old he gets he will always be my baby. He thinks that is funny and he tells me I will always be his baby too. He’s so sweet. Happy belated Birthday, baby!
